Not Mine

Jesus tells a parable (Mt 18) of a slave that tries to make a profit collecting from his fellow slaves, money ultimately owed to the king. After the king forgives him his unpayable debt, he immediately shakes down another slave for a payable debt. He has him thrown into debtor’s prison because he cannot pay. The forgiven slave is trying to turn a profit on his original, forgiven debt. He is dishonest and only cares for himself.

Everything we are, own, think, and feel belongs to God and is part of creation. We can forgive as stewards of God’s grace, to whom we owe everything (an unpayable debt). Forgiveness (grace) is not ours to withhold since we owe an unpayable debt to God. We find freedom and integrity when we consciously release others’ payable debts back to God (forgiveness).

We complicate the free flow of grace by imagining that resources, including those of mercy, are ours to hold or give away. The owner of all resources is God, in creation. When we assume ownership by withholding forgiveness, we fall out of communion with God, creation, and our neighbor.

By this parable Jesus is reminding us to accept that all resources are held in relationship with God in creation. We are part of God’s creation. We are not in charge of anything. Everything is a gift. Everything is grace.

Sharing freely of resources, whether they be relational or physical, restores us to our rightful place in God’s economy. Clinging turns resources into unbearable burdens which clog the free flow of grace.

And yet, even if we are unable to practice forgiveness with others because of whatever reason, even if we cling to the resources we misperceive as our own, the ground of our faith, the love of Jesus reveals that we are still beloved children of God, we are forgiven. But we will not feel this forgiveness, or benefit from it during our life if we remain dishonest debt collectors of others’ failures, clinging to resources which are not ours to hold. We will remain stuck in the mindsets of “mine” and “not enough.”

So either we must fumble our way into learning to forgive, to share mercy and resources, or we will be lost until we die. In that case, only when we release our last breath as an unavoidable confession of need and brokenness will we finally encounter the all consuming grace of God. The whole arc of Scripture points to a God who refuses to back down from love, from forgiveness, from mercy, from final peace–as is revealed in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Coming to the end of today’s text, when Jesus says, “So my heavenly father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart,” he is speaking of our life lived in these bodies. And it is not because God is cold and calculating, demanding of us something sacrificed to earn the mercy we seek. No, it is because of the universal law that we cannot experience forgiveness until we practice it. We cannot experience love, until we receive it and live in it. We cannot enjoy creation until we are truly a part of it, and nothing more.

Life is participatory. The more we practice grace, the more we will feel the union of friendship with God. Grace always comes to us, we cannot stop it. But we cannot know it until we surrender to it.

So let’s keep practicing. Keep struggling to forgive. Keep loving by sharing resources, setting aside all worry that there won’t be enough. Divine abundance in merciful love comes to us in the end whether we practice it in this life or not. So may we practice it freely and receive abundant joy, now, before we die. Amen.